Whoa Nelly it's been a while...

Hi everyone in the blogosphere...It's safely been over a year since I've written I think...how does time escape us so?? It's kind of ridiculous and not ok...

Anyway hope all is well out there. My Akemi Rose is now 21 months and will soon be 22 months. Can you believe she knows the alphabet and the numbers 1-10...I make her say them everyday. I giggle so much when I hear her say...Mami, tewww (2) I just love her so much and she's growing so fast! Husband is ready for #2 but I AM NOT. anyone else out there understand that I am not ready yet??
maybe next year, laaaate next year we can start trying. maybe.

Quick catch up. Last I left you all, I was a stay at home trying to figure it all out and not being very successful...
Well I have since gone back to my job as a Talent Agent and now I am fiercely trying to get in shape! it's not easy, not any of it. I cry of hunger everyday since quitting BREAD and Coca-Cola (soda of any kind really) You can all gasp at the commitment...even I can't believe I'm sticking to it. I started Oct 2nd and today is 10/23 wooooo-hooo! I was 136 and I am now 131.8 (that's good right?) please say that I am doing well! I so need approval :/ #needy

anyway...I am thinking of starting to blog and even vlog about my progress, my meltdowns, my anxiety attacks, life in general and you are more than welcome to cry with me and help me get through it together! I am posting a picture of Akemi taken within the last few weeks so you can see how BIG she's gotten. I swear sometimes I think to myself, how did I get this blessed?? She's an amazing little person with a fire and cleverness that shakes me cold.

I want to write a lot more and have dialog with you, so please feel free to write me and comment and just talk! I love to hear from ya and what's happening in YOUR home :)

toodles for now...
xo-Deniece
(can you believe how cute she is??)

love this.

Akemi is...

such an amazing baby. seriously, I am not sure how we got so blessed. She is so happy and warm and cuddly and just wants to see, touch, stand and laugh at everything. I feel as though I've known her for so much longer than she's been alive. Does that make ANY sense?
My emotional level lately has been through the roof...
I don't know about any other Mom's out there but it feels sometimes like my heart can't handle all the love. It's an overwhelming, paralyzing, too good to be true, unbelievable feeling when I look at her. When she smiles, NOTHING else matters. When she smiles, the world, the clocks, the entire motion of the human race just stops and all there is, is that wonderfully delicious smile that makes my world go round. I keep thinking to myself that one of these times, I will feel these emotions a little less.
NOPE, it happens over and over and stronger and stronger. I wish I could tell her exactly how I feel. I wish she knew that there is nothing I wouldn't do for her, I wish she knew that she doesn't ever have to worry about anything ever. Mommy is here, always and beyond forever...

Moving right along...

OOOOk...so this Mom stuff is soo much harder and trickier than anyone ever truthfully tells you but you know what...I don't blame them. I used to get mad at people that didn't tell me "how hard this really was" but really why should they? Second of all, no one can ever properly prepare you for what this life changing experience will do to you!! I can't begin to write down all the things I've learned. It's really all trial and error, patience, strength, love, more patience and adjustment. There are days, not gonna lie here, that are so hard all I can do is cry. I imagine this to be quite normal for a first time parent but these are the things I never heard other Mom's say while I was pregnant asking questions. From the moment they are in your arms, to breast feeding, to bringing them home, to your first day ALONE with them, to changing a onesie, bathing them for the first time, burping them, figuring out what your body is doing and getting re-used to the way things kinda were but will never be again...it's needless to say A LOT! I guess my blog (when I even have time to write on it) will be changing as of this point. I want to be completely honest about all of my feelings because believe it or not, they aren't always HAPPY and JOY and BLISS and MIRACLE-like...some days are so hard you wonder if you will make it to the next hour without screaming. Let's not even add to all of this postpartum depression. I am not sure if I had it or even still have it...There were and are some days were I am so incredibly emotional and full of anxiety and scared of how I feel and how I will handle everything coming my way at such a fast pace. It's hard. HARD people, HARD. I know some women may read my words and understand and say YES, this girl gets it and some just won't. I don't know what planet some other women are on. I am not bad mouthing them in any way. Maybe I am just incredibly jealous of those  Mother's who from the start everything seemed soooo easy. They gave birth without an epidural, they didn't need an episiotomy, their recovery time was a breeze, their babies latched on right away and there was no pain involved, just a magical bond between Mother and baby and not to mention OVER-SUPPLY of milk these women seem to have?? I have no idea on what PLANET this all occurs on cause all I have mentioned in my list of dreams, was the exact OPPOSITE for me. Don't get me started on how they seem to juggle cooking, cleaning, crafting, exercising and look amazing when they step out of their home to go to Target!

I wish it hadn't taken me until NOW to KIND OF get it together. It's only now that I beginning to be a little bit ahead of the game with her. It's only now that I am feeling a little bit of peace and comfort with her around and somewhat like a NORMAL person. PLEASE don't read this blog entry and take it all as a complaint on my part. I mean, I guess it is a little but I am simply choosing to magnify and write out the feelings and experiences I've had over the past 2 months as a journaling and healing technique. I have read so many others words and blogs and heard stories that have hit home with me and have helped me to feel a little saner...I would hope that maybe MY words help some other new Mom out there that has absolutely no idea what's going on and who feel like an ALIEN no one understands. That is the point of this whole thing any way. I wanted to document my experiences, learn, grow, share and HELP. There is no point in any of this if it's not to help others and hopefully make some connections...
I am motivated about the fact that I can get on here and just speak the truth with no worries of judgment (mostly because I won't know if you are ;)

anyway...hope all is well out there on a Monday afternoon...it has taken me from 11am - 2:40pm to write this because of all the starting and stopping because um, well...I have a baby ;)

Before I depart I will say that no matter how tired I get, how frustrated I become, how many tears I shed, there is NOTHING I wouldn't do a thousand times over again for this little precious baby girl. THIS, I know for a fact. To see her smile and look into my eyes and rock her to sleep is the sweetest miracle of life. I love her with all of my heart and soul and wouldn't trade a moment of this experience so far. Geez, God sure does know what he's doing...

L.O.V.E

4 Wednesdays ago on January 4th at 2:30pm our daughter took her first breath and my life truly began. To try and describe how I have felt since that moment is purely impossible. All I know is that every day I look at her and I seriously wonder how my heart doesn't explode out of my chest...Literally thanking God for every second, every minute, hour and day he allows me to spend with her ♥

Guess who is HERE :)

Hi everyone...
SOOOO my last post was on January 3rd right??
Well...guess who's water broke at 3:30am that night??? Or I guess I should say January 4th, early in the AM :)

WOW. What an incredible journey!!! It was 3:30am and I woke to use the restroom and felt as though I "couldn't make it" and ya know what? I couldn't! My water broke as I arrived in my bathroom and it did not stop!!! I got so nervous and scared...I didn't know what was happening! I called out to my husband and he rushed over, looked at me and said... Honey, THIS IS IT! ( It was like a scene out of a movie, really)

We called the Doctor and they said head over to the hospital :)
We packed up the last minutes essentials and on the coldest night this Florida winter has seen this year, we were off :) I called my Mother, my Father and we texted everyone we knew ;) I will spare you all the labor details...:)

She has officially been here for 2 weeks and 1 day...
My Akemi Rose was born on January 4th @ 2:30pm weighing 7lbs and 7 oz. 19 inches long...
Labor and delivery went as best as it could have gone and I only pushed for about 30 minutes! She is BEAUTIFUL and I am still in a bit of shock that she is REALLY, REALLY here...

My heart has been singing and soaring ever since and she is the most wonderful, delicious, loveliest, smartest, funniest, little baby the world has ever seen. I see amazing things in her future and the love I have in my heart for her already is nothing short of amazing. My life is complete. I have been waiting for my angel for a REALLY long time and now I soak up every second I have with her. I cry tears of pure happiness like never before. Thank you GOD for giving me this gift. There are really no words to describe how she makes me feel.

oh heyyy 2012...

HI everyone...how is it going out there is blog land?

I've missed writing my thoughts out and lots of emotions and moments have passed in the last few weeks so here we go...

Let's see...Christmas has gone by and now we are officially in full swing of 2012 and I just couldn't be happier!!! Akemi Rose is still as snug as a bug in my womb but I am hoping she decides to make her official entrance very soon...I took a tour of the maternity/labor and delivery wing at the hospital and it was fantastic! I am so full of anticipation and wonder and can't wait till it's THE day for us!
I have not dilated yet though *sigh...

Doc said she is low but cervix is closed so on to this Friday the 6th for my 39th week appointment...wow 39 weeks...even as I type it, I can't believe it's been 39 weeks already!!!
I don't know why I thought she would have come a while ago...she moves SO much that I just thought and felt as though she wanted OUT...but it seems as though I was wrong. Ah well...she will let me know when she is ready, right? I guess we are a little relieved that she didn't come on X-MAS Eve or X-MAS day or NYE or New Years Day! Pheeeew...she won't hate us for having to share a birthday on one of the biggest holidays of the year. Crisis averted! Now I can think of way to make each and every birthday meaningful and special for her with no distractions!!

We had a really nice quiet Christmas Eve with dinner for 2 at a really nice restaurant near our house...
Christmas day was very nice too. My darling of a husband got me a personalized inscribed bracelet that has all of our names (his, mine and Akemi's) and a very loving message on the back. I love it so much, wear it everyday and will treasure it always...It's going to be one of those times I will always remember and tell her about one day...the Christmas right before she came into our lives. New Years was a lot of fun at his Aunt's house where they made me dance to all the Salsa songs I could handle in hope to see if it would propel me into labor...it did not work haha. All in all in all we had some great holidays and ate great food and most importantly, I felt as though my husband and I got some good "quality, quiet" time together...It's important to have those lazy days in bed especially BEFORE you have a baby where "quiet time" will soon be in short supply! I love Emilio so much and simply can't wait to see him as a Daddy...I think lots of tears are in store for my eye ducts this coming month...

Now, I would like to talk about this HUGE belly I have. I mean it's ridiculous. I am starting to think that no one at my Doctors wants to tell me how much she already weighs as to not scare the bee-gees outta me and the labor! I am getting a bit frustrated especially at night cause it just seems to be the party hour for her. Literally around 2 am she was bouncing inside my tummy so much that the strength this little girl already has is incredible! Speaking of strength...what if I don't have it on "labor day" ???
I am getting so nervous about the "pain" that will come and by the way,  have I mentioned that I am trying to do this ALL natural -_-  No inducing, no epidural, NADA! I know many of you are laughing...but there is something in me that REALLY wants to do this "a la natural"...pain and all. Women have been doing it for years right? I'm not gonna die (God forbid) so why couldn't I do it? It's one day of pain and soon I will forget all about it and want to do it all over again! ;-) I am really curious to see how it will all unfold and of course I will be blogging about it...ohhh I just had a thought of blogging while in delivery room...that might help me keep my thoughts off of the pain! What do you think??

I have much more to say but for now, I will end today's blog by asking Mommy's out there about which one is your most favorite diaper bag and why. I realized this past weekend that I don't have one and I am starting my search online and in the stores but I have to say that I find most of them to be a tad um...expensive? Why so much money? Granted it's a product I will really need but geez...is it necessary to spend $79.99, $89.99 or even $159.00??
Not this Mommy! So if anyone has a great website to order from or a store they can recommend,  I'd love to know!

I hope everyone is warm and snuggly out there and hope to hear from some of you soon!!
I will leave you with some pictures from the end of 2011 and the glorious beginning of 2012...

As always, thanks for reading and commenting :)
xoxo

                                                                   It's like a small planet...

My amazing husband and I on New Years Eve...2011...<3

10 weeks to go!?!

So here I am...

Day 1 of my new "Mommy to be" blog!

Coco Chanel said it best...A girl should be 2 things, CLASSY and FABULOUS! I couldn't agree with her more! The moment we found out it was going to be a "GIRL" we knew we were in for the most incredible time in our lives! That's not to say that if it had been a boy we wouldn't be as thrilled...but there is something just SO special about a new baby girl, right?  Maybe it's all the ridiculously cute pink, frilly outfits on the market, not to mention the bows and patent leather shoes but also just the thought of how the delicate nature of little girls and that sweet sound of giggles will soon make us feel...

My husband never ever hid the fact that he wanted a GIRL! Deep down in my soul I guess I always knew if I were blessed enough to carry a baby, that it would most definitely be a girl. I guess you just know sometimes...Needless to say it was still a bit SHOCKING to actually heart the words...IT'S A GIRL :) To be quite honest, it still doesn't feel quite real. Even after all of the "pink stuff" taking over our apartment and the ever growing belly I look down at every single day, I still feel like "wait, am I REALLY having a baby???" It's the strangest thing but hey I have been amazed at all of these new and crazy emotions since day one and I have open arms for what else is to come...

The objective of my blog is not only to document this amazing adventure, write out every thought and feeling but also start a conversation with other "pro" Moms and "novice" Moms out there. I want to discuss favorite products and those we can't live without as well as those "don't even bother" items!
This has to be the greatest time in any parents life and with all of the ups and downs that will occur in the next chunk of time, we should all stick together, learn, grow, help each other AND make each other laugh all the while !! I appreciate all those who take the time to read my words and offer me advice and help when I need it the most and vice versa...if there is anything I could ever offer, I am humbly at your service. I am new to blogging and new to Mommying but I can't wait for that incredible day when I first hold my Akemi Rose in my arms...ahhhh what a day, what a feeling.

I look forward to the times coming up and hope you meet me somewhere along this spectacular path of new life...

xo,
Deniece