Akemi is...

such an amazing baby. seriously, I am not sure how we got so blessed. She is so happy and warm and cuddly and just wants to see, touch, stand and laugh at everything. I feel as though I've known her for so much longer than she's been alive. Does that make ANY sense?
My emotional level lately has been through the roof...
I don't know about any other Mom's out there but it feels sometimes like my heart can't handle all the love. It's an overwhelming, paralyzing, too good to be true, unbelievable feeling when I look at her. When she smiles, NOTHING else matters. When she smiles, the world, the clocks, the entire motion of the human race just stops and all there is, is that wonderfully delicious smile that makes my world go round. I keep thinking to myself that one of these times, I will feel these emotions a little less.
NOPE, it happens over and over and stronger and stronger. I wish I could tell her exactly how I feel. I wish she knew that there is nothing I wouldn't do for her, I wish she knew that she doesn't ever have to worry about anything ever. Mommy is here, always and beyond forever...

on my mind...

I want to go to Japan, I want to surprise my Husband and bring him to see Greece, I wanna eat pizza in Italy, I wanna eat pizza, I want to bring Akemi to meet Mickey, I wanna go to rehearsal, I wanna take everyone I love on vacation, I want to sing and laugh, maybe at the same time. I want to open up a bakery and an antique jewelry store, I want some new heels and have my hair washed and I could use a super duper massage. I want to have a cafesito with a much wiser older person who wears a fabulous big black hat wth huge sunglasses and who just fills my afternoon with stories of yesterday...that's a lot of wants but that's what's on my mind.

Moving right along...

OOOOk...so this Mom stuff is soo much harder and trickier than anyone ever truthfully tells you but you know what...I don't blame them. I used to get mad at people that didn't tell me "how hard this really was" but really why should they? Second of all, no one can ever properly prepare you for what this life changing experience will do to you!! I can't begin to write down all the things I've learned. It's really all trial and error, patience, strength, love, more patience and adjustment. There are days, not gonna lie here, that are so hard all I can do is cry. I imagine this to be quite normal for a first time parent but these are the things I never heard other Mom's say while I was pregnant asking questions. From the moment they are in your arms, to breast feeding, to bringing them home, to your first day ALONE with them, to changing a onesie, bathing them for the first time, burping them, figuring out what your body is doing and getting re-used to the way things kinda were but will never be again...it's needless to say A LOT! I guess my blog (when I even have time to write on it) will be changing as of this point. I want to be completely honest about all of my feelings because believe it or not, they aren't always HAPPY and JOY and BLISS and MIRACLE-like...some days are so hard you wonder if you will make it to the next hour without screaming. Let's not even add to all of this postpartum depression. I am not sure if I had it or even still have it...There were and are some days were I am so incredibly emotional and full of anxiety and scared of how I feel and how I will handle everything coming my way at such a fast pace. It's hard. HARD people, HARD. I know some women may read my words and understand and say YES, this girl gets it and some just won't. I don't know what planet some other women are on. I am not bad mouthing them in any way. Maybe I am just incredibly jealous of those  Mother's who from the start everything seemed soooo easy. They gave birth without an epidural, they didn't need an episiotomy, their recovery time was a breeze, their babies latched on right away and there was no pain involved, just a magical bond between Mother and baby and not to mention OVER-SUPPLY of milk these women seem to have?? I have no idea on what PLANET this all occurs on cause all I have mentioned in my list of dreams, was the exact OPPOSITE for me. Don't get me started on how they seem to juggle cooking, cleaning, crafting, exercising and look amazing when they step out of their home to go to Target!

I wish it hadn't taken me until NOW to KIND OF get it together. It's only now that I beginning to be a little bit ahead of the game with her. It's only now that I am feeling a little bit of peace and comfort with her around and somewhat like a NORMAL person. PLEASE don't read this blog entry and take it all as a complaint on my part. I mean, I guess it is a little but I am simply choosing to magnify and write out the feelings and experiences I've had over the past 2 months as a journaling and healing technique. I have read so many others words and blogs and heard stories that have hit home with me and have helped me to feel a little saner...I would hope that maybe MY words help some other new Mom out there that has absolutely no idea what's going on and who feel like an ALIEN no one understands. That is the point of this whole thing any way. I wanted to document my experiences, learn, grow, share and HELP. There is no point in any of this if it's not to help others and hopefully make some connections...
I am motivated about the fact that I can get on here and just speak the truth with no worries of judgment (mostly because I won't know if you are ;)

anyway...hope all is well out there on a Monday afternoon...it has taken me from 11am - 2:40pm to write this because of all the starting and stopping because um, well...I have a baby ;)

Before I depart I will say that no matter how tired I get, how frustrated I become, how many tears I shed, there is NOTHING I wouldn't do a thousand times over again for this little precious baby girl. THIS, I know for a fact. To see her smile and look into my eyes and rock her to sleep is the sweetest miracle of life. I love her with all of my heart and soul and wouldn't trade a moment of this experience so far. Geez, God sure does know what he's doing...

L.O.V.E

4 Wednesdays ago on January 4th at 2:30pm our daughter took her first breath and my life truly began. To try and describe how I have felt since that moment is purely impossible. All I know is that every day I look at her and I seriously wonder how my heart doesn't explode out of my chest...Literally thanking God for every second, every minute, hour and day he allows me to spend with her ♥

So far...

So good...

our only struggle is making her sleep more at night...:( (<-----insert sleepy parents here)
Anyone have any good suggestions? Our Dr. told us to wake her every 2 hrs during the day so she realizes it's not night time in the morning or during the day! Apparently she's a bit of a night owl...but such a CUTE one :)

Yesterday was my first day ALONE with her.
No Mother, no Mother in law or husband but I am happy to report that we made it!
We gave her a nice warm bath (and she didn't cry...gasp) and then fed her and she went down for about 3 hrs. That seems to be her limit...3 hrs. and I am NOT complaining...I'll take it! It will be lovely when she can sleep 4 or 5 hrs and when WE can actually catch up on sleep and normal life again. I sure do miss my husband.


I gotta say...those who are thinking of having a baby should REALLY speak to someone who just had a newborn. I always knew it would be a lot of work but this is A LOT OF WORK. There is pretty much no rest, no time and I find it almost impossible to make a quick phone call or even take a shower...there is ALWAYS something to do or bottles to wash or SOMETHING!!! I am surprised I am even typing on this computer right now but today for some reason I finished chores earlier and left bottles ready to go and took a shower late last night so I get a little extra treat time today for just little ol' me ;)

Speaking of...she's starting to fuss in the crib so I have to wrap it up! See what I mean?
Please let me know of any advice on the sleeping at night...
any tricks? anything! Hope all you Mommies are doing well and have happy, healthy, eating, sleeping babies!!

PS. How long am I supposed to be doing tummy time for during the day?

Today...

So today my Mother in law showed me the right way to give her a bath! I have been doing little wash cloth baths for days because I have been so scared of the newborn sling we have or using real running water but TODAY, I learned how to give her a proper bath! To my surprise she didn't cry all that much and she seemed to like the warm, trickling water :) In all honesty she reminded me of a little puppy getting a bath for the first time...you know what I am talking about right? They look so tiny when they are drenched in all that water and it just makes them look that much cuter (if that's possible)...

Anyway that was the big highlight of the day! One day at a time and one highlight a day is a pretty big deal...We are getting used to a little routine although getting through the night is the hardest. She seems to want to be the MOST awake and have a Mommy-Daddy party around 3:30 am...I am hoping in a few weeks we get in a better routine but it's so hard to keep her awake during the day! I sing and I read to her but to not much is working for me.

All in all she is SUCH a good baby. She sleeps like a champ and eats WAY more than I expected...I was nursing but I have to keep supplementing with formula every other feeding because it never seems to be enough!  Is anyone else going through this? This coming Wednesday she will be 3 weeks old already. I can't believe how slowly the time went before I had her and now the minutes seem to fly off of the clock! I want her to stay this little forever. Is it possible? Pretty please? I mean...just LOOK at this face!!!!

                                    
I am now on the search for a Mommy and Me newborn class or a group of new Moms that I can meet and talk to and share with. If anyone knows of any in the Miami or Miami Beach area, please let me know! G'night

Guess who is HERE :)

Hi everyone...
SOOOO my last post was on January 3rd right??
Well...guess who's water broke at 3:30am that night??? Or I guess I should say January 4th, early in the AM :)

WOW. What an incredible journey!!! It was 3:30am and I woke to use the restroom and felt as though I "couldn't make it" and ya know what? I couldn't! My water broke as I arrived in my bathroom and it did not stop!!! I got so nervous and scared...I didn't know what was happening! I called out to my husband and he rushed over, looked at me and said... Honey, THIS IS IT! ( It was like a scene out of a movie, really)

We called the Doctor and they said head over to the hospital :)
We packed up the last minutes essentials and on the coldest night this Florida winter has seen this year, we were off :) I called my Mother, my Father and we texted everyone we knew ;) I will spare you all the labor details...:)

She has officially been here for 2 weeks and 1 day...
My Akemi Rose was born on January 4th @ 2:30pm weighing 7lbs and 7 oz. 19 inches long...
Labor and delivery went as best as it could have gone and I only pushed for about 30 minutes! She is BEAUTIFUL and I am still in a bit of shock that she is REALLY, REALLY here...

My heart has been singing and soaring ever since and she is the most wonderful, delicious, loveliest, smartest, funniest, little baby the world has ever seen. I see amazing things in her future and the love I have in my heart for her already is nothing short of amazing. My life is complete. I have been waiting for my angel for a REALLY long time and now I soak up every second I have with her. I cry tears of pure happiness like never before. Thank you GOD for giving me this gift. There are really no words to describe how she makes me feel.